U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
