Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
