i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
