You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will pee on everything he values.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
