My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found a bag of teeth...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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