Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
