You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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