Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
