I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Someone came in the potted fern
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
