you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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