Whod you bang
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
