Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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