A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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