I bet he comes in French.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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