fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
