Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
