what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
