Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
