She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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