im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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