Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
