I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
