Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
