why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
