and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
