In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
