tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
