hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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