So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
