Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
