Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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