just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
