My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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