yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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