I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
