I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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