Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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