ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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