At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
