So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
