is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
