I accidentally had phone sex last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
