my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
