Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
