i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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