His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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