Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
