Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
