My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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