I just saw a hot homeless man
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
