glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
