I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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