so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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