I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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